Literal Pop

1. Kids - Children (2)
2. Lipps, Inc. (2)
3. Kids - Male and Female (1)
4. The Police (1)
5. Kids - Female (1)

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

1. Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble (18)
2. Bon Iver (5)
3. Wintersleep (4)
4. Ray Peacock (4)
5. Justin Vernon (4)

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

R.Kelly - World’s Greatest

I have a soft spot for the Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy version of this song because the way it’s sung by Will Oldham introduces an edge of doubt into the lyrics. But not R. No, Mr. she-looked-sixteen-I-swear Kelly means every single word of this. He is a mountain; he is a tall tree. If you’ve seen ‘In The Closet’, you know there is not an iota of irony or self-depracation in the lion-headed sex-buffoon. This is literal pop in it’s purest form.

“Yeah,Uhh…

Uhh…
Yeah..
It’s the worlds greatest, Yo,
It’s the worlds greatest, Come on,
Worlds Greatest, Ever

I am a mountain
I am a tall tree
Oh, I am a swift wind
Sweepin’ the country
I am a river
Down in the valley
Oh, I am a vision
And I can see clearly
If anybody asks u who I am
Just stand up tall look ‘em in the Face and say

[Chorus]
I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I’m the worlds greatest
And I’m that little bit of hope
When my backs against the ropes
I can feel it mmm
I’m the worlds greatest

I am a giant
I am an eagle
I am a lion
Down in the jungle
I am a marchin’ band
I am the people
I am a helpin’ hand
And I am a hero
If anybody asks u who I am
Just stand up tall look ‘em in the Face and say

[Chorus]
I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that mountain peak up high
I made it
I’m the worlds greatest
And I’m that little bit of hope
When my backs against the ropes
I can feel it
I’m the worlds greatest

In the ring of life I’ll reign love
(I will reign)
And the world will notice a king
(Oh Yeah)
When all is darkest, I’ll shine a light
(Shine a light)
And use a success you’ll find in me
(Me)

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I’m the world’s greatest
And I’m that little bit of hope
When my back’s against the ropes
I can feel it
I’m the world’s greatest

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I’m the world’s greatest
And I’m that little bit of hope
When my back’s against the ropes
I can feel it
I’m the world’s greatest

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I’m the world’s greatest
And I’m that little bit of hope
When my back’s against the ropes
I can feel it
I’m the world’s greatest

[*]
It’s the greatest
Can you feel it
It’s the greatest
Can you feel it

[Repeat * while:]
I saw the light
At the end of a tunnel
Believe in the pot of gold
At the end of the rainbow
And faith was right there
To pull me through, yeah
Used to be locked doors
Now I can just walk on through
Hey, uh, hey, hey, hey
It’s the greatest
I’m that star up in the sky

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I’m the world’s greatest
And I’m that little bit of hope
When my back’s against the ropes
I can feel it
I’m the world’s greatest”

1. The Tallest Man on Earth (32)
2. Bon Iver (22)
3. The National (11)
4. GAYNGS (10)
5. Tame Impala (9)

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

Having a slight knowledge of one man Euro nonsense peddler Scooter, I have to admit I was terrified of listening to this track, but after watching the video I was convinced that you would want to a) listen to it and b) watch the irony-free twat make a complete tit of himself. It’s almost a parody of Europop made by Armando Iannucci or Chris Morris. I’m still not sure they aren’t the puppet masters behind this ass-puppet.

This video was labelled incorrectly ‘Extra High Quality’, in what must be the exact same labelling error that a hundred dead Glasgow smackheads fall for every year when they in fact get anthrax laced horse. 

So, where to start with this one. As I’ve already posited that it might be a cultural uber-prank by messrs Iannucci & Morris I’m going to go easy.

We start in the second chapter because that is way cooler than starting at the beginning. Sometimes Scooter will only read the last page of a book and just say, ‘I told you so’. He knew that it would end like that already because he has written a book himself, but he was quite modest and started writing at the second chapter. Enough!

This could be the most bonkers song ever written. I don’t know if I’m being crazy, but is his just-out-of-reach metaphor that as the saying goes, ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’. But how much will the next one cost? The initial framing line, ‘the chase is better than the catch’ implies this, but who can read the mind of a genius/twat. 

No. I don’t think so you know, you know. I just think he has heard that line somewhere. Maybe he visited Billingsgate market and was passing the haddocks and an old women said, ‘how much is the fish?’, as the stall holder pointed to a handwritten sign that said. ‘two pound a pair.’ As Scooter passed he caught the sentence hanging in the air - like a fish on a line - and, where others might have trotted on oblivious, stopped and penned this ode to fish haggling. 

Then there is the line that does not need to be examined literally because it might be the most literal line ever written. ‘Sunshine in the air!’ You cannot argue with that kind of logic. Lazer guided twattery of the highest kind. I’m assuming he’s German because I’m lazy and it fits my pompous British view of the German’s (except Axel) as continuously coming out of a time machine and it always being 1984, so just resorting to rocking-the-fuck-out with Hasselhoff. It’s just that this uber-wangster’s time machine has plonked him down in 1994 by accident and left him there, eternally.

The central problem of the song is never resolved. Just how much is the titular fish? Two pound a pair if my information is correct. There’s your answer Mr-The-Noughties-Never-Happened. You can stop singing this strange ode to washing a dish and asking how much did the fish cost. IT COST TWO POUND A PAIR, ASS-PUPPET. 

And I didn’t even mention his ‘rhythm attack’. It kind of felt like shooting fish in a barrel.

Transforming the tunes we need your support
if you’ve got the breath back.
It’s the first page of the second chapter!
I want you back for the rhythm-attack coming down on the floor like a maniac.
I want you back for the rhythm-attack. Get down in full effect!
I want you back for the rhythm-attack coming down on the floor like a maniac.
I want you back so clean up the dish.
By the way, how much is the fish?!!
How much is the fish?!!
Here we go, here we go, here we go again!!
Yeeah!!
Sunshine in the air!!

We’re breaking the rules. Ignore the machine.
You won’t ever stop this.
The chase is better than the catch!
I want you back for the rhythm-attack coming down on the floor like a maniac.
I want you back for the rhythm-attack. Get down in full effect!
I want you back for the rhythm-attack coming down on the floor like a maniac.
I want you back so clean up the dish.
By the way, how much is the fish?!!

How much is the fish?!!
Yeeehaah!!
Sunshine in the air!!

C’mon!!!
Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na .. Everybody!!
Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na .. C’mon!! Together!!
Yeeaaah!!!
How much is the fish?!!
How much is the fish?!!
Yeeaaah!!!
C’mon, c’mon!! Aaaah!
Resurrection!

1. Richmond Fontaine (28)
2. The National (17)
3. Wheat (14)
4. The Tallest Man on Earth (13)
5. The Black Keys (13)

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

If God Is A DJ - Pink

Thanks to Maria for the suggestion.

(That’s Jesus… Not God. But still, you get the idea)

Much in the same way that the word asylum has been twisted to mean the exact opposite of its original meaning, the word pink has also undergone an unexpected definition-disaster. No longer the colour of sweetness & little girls & ponies, it brings to mind this image: a three eyed girl, her skirt hiked up above her massive vagina, her eyes holes of black kohl and her mouth a line of wonky Benson & Hedges No.10. She is frantically paging Doctor Frued, mumbling about her “need” for her brother and how she can see “blue in the sky”. WITH AN EYE. THAT IS FOR SEEING. So this vision is bumbling around with all its harmless attitoode & a 12inch looking for a place to rock. It’s a horrible thought.

She’s not saying that God IS a DJ. Just “If” he was. That is very important. I imagine you can get killed in America for suggesting A-Trak might be bigger than God, because I don’t think God would headline over Diplo or A-Trak. He just hasn’t put the time in or made a killer remix/edit yet. Give him time though. He could do a Crystal Castles remix. That’s kind of heavenly. Castles in the sky kinda vibe.

Anyway, we digress. Even after all I have just said, God is not a DJ. But if he were, Pink’s opinion is that life would be the dance floor & love the rhythm. Terrifying. Some couples version of love is cold and violent. Some peoples life is unimaginably boring or just plain horrible & we haven’t even thought about the Third World Yet . Just imagine a club where those things are represented by the average experience of people on planet Earth. Its all right if you’re a multi-millionaire pop star because then it would be a beautiful club with free drinks and hot people. For the rest of the population of earth the club would stink of piss, have no clean water, be really expensive, and you would die in poverty out the back of a curable disease.

Woah! Sorry. Rant over.

The best thing about this song is it is mercilessly short & you can skim through the words. The second verse is an even bigger load of bollocks than yesterdays Black Eyed Peas song. It makes that look like Tolstoy.

We just have to wait for God’s remix to drop. Any day now.

“I’ve been the girl with her skirt pulled high
Been the outcast never running with mascara eyes
Now I see the world as a candy store
With a cigarette smile, saying things you can’t ignore
Like mummy I love you
Daddy I hate you
Brother I need you
Lover hey, “Fuck you”
I can see everything here with my third eye
Like the blue in the sky

Chorus:
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
Love is the rhythm
You are the music
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
You get what you’re given
It’s all how you use it…

Verse 2:
I’ve been the girl with her middle finger in the air
Unaffected by rumors, the truth: i don’t care
So open your mouth and stick out your tongue
You might as well let go you can’t take back what you’ve done
So find a new lifestyle
A reason to smile
Look for Nirvana
Under the strobe lights
Sequins and sex dreams
You whisper to me
There’s no reason to cry…

Chorus

Bridge
You take what you get and you get what you give
I say don’t run from yourself, man, that’s no way to live
I’ve got a record in my bag you should give it a spin
Lift your hands in the air so that life can begin

If God is a DJ…If God… say If God is a DJ, Then life is a dance floor so
Get your ass on the dance floor now”

Why not suggest a song to be taken literally?

Imma Bee - Black Eyed Peas

This doesn’t need deconstructing because it actually is about nothing. They just confess to being bees (not a crime - Law Ed) and brag about some other stuff. There is a lot of words, but no sense. Non-sense; nonsense.

It’s actually scary how little this song says. It says nothing. It might give you ear cancer or brain problems. It uses a lot of guff to just basically confess to being hive insects & brainless automatons. Somebody does move them from being just plain bees to being dung beetles. They explain that they are on “some next level shit”, which for a dung beetle must be pretty good. I imagine it’s a shit so big it has a bad part of town as well as a theatre district, & maybe an art gallery that hooks up with the Prado to get some Picasso’s in sometimes. All along the seafront beetles roller skate along a tiny boardwalk and work out in tiny fenced off areas. That’s some next level shit.

The songwriters mind is finally shown to be fully unravelled as they demand payment for their services in cheese. No blue or stinky stuff, please, only Gouda or other hard types. It’s hot backstage. Luckily he has some peas to add to the meal otherwise it would be unbalanced. Always try to eat five a day. Like this guy does. Advice.

The one section that deals with anything serious is a fiscal insight into the state of honey, and it’s not good. Honey is in debt. To Who? To the bees of course, stupid. Business is a bitch & when you “loan out a million” to receive back a “trillion” who is to argue with a bees business acumen. Just who knew I suppose. Why aren’t they hosting The Apprentice? TV producers take note. Bees.

Slightly makes me want to punch my ears to stop them working, but I need them for other stuff.

*BREAKING NEWS: Will.i.am owns a bank but you can only withdraw sperm. He is a sperm banker “dealing out semen”. Not very useful if you need a loan of money.

“Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be 
Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be 
Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be 
Imma be be be be imma imma be 
Imma be be be be imma imma be 
Imma be be be be imma imma be 

[Fergie] 
Imma be on the next level 
Imma be rockin over that bass treble 
Imma be chillin with my mutha mutha crew 
Imma be makin all them deals you wanna do (hah) 
Imma be up in that maylist flicks 
Doin 100 flips, and imma be 
Sippin on drinks cause 
Imma be shakin my hips 
You gon be lickin your lips 
Imma be takin them pics 
Lookin all fly and shit 
Imma be the flyest chick (so fly) 
Imma be spreadin my wings 
Imma be doin my thing (do it do it - okayy) 

Imma imma swing it this way, (imma imma) imma imma swing it that way 
This is Fergie-ferg, and imma (imma) be here to say 
21 century until the end of the day 

Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be 
Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be 

Rich baby quick quick imma imma imma be 
The shit baby check me out be 
Imma be, imma be 
On top, never stop (be be) 
Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be 
Imma be, fcukin her 
Imma imma imma be - imma be be be imma imma be 

[Will.I.Am] 
Imma be the upgraded new negro 
Imma be the average brother with soul 
Imma be world wide international 
Imma be in Reo rockin Tokyo 
Imma be brilliant with my millions 
Loanin out a billion, I get back a trillion 
Imma be a brother, but my name ain’t Lemen 
Imma be ya banker loading out semen 
Honeys in debt, but we bouncin them checks but, 
I don’t really mind when they bouncin them checks 
Imma be, imma be imma be imma be Rich 
Imma be, imma imma be imma imma be 
Imma be sick with the flow 
When the goal is to rock the whole globe 
Imma be the future 
Imma be the whole, reason why you wanna come to a show 
You can see what I’m rockin 
and I’m pickin out a golden 

Imma be up in the club 
Doin whatever I like 
Imma be poppin that bubbly 
Cool and livin that good life 
Oh let’s make this last forever 
partyin when you’re together 

On and on and on-and-on-and 
On and on and on and on and 

Imma be rockin like this (What) 
Yall niggas wanna talk shit (But) 
Wantin you put it on the blog 
Rockin like this my job 
We can’t help that we popular 
And all these folks want to flock to us 
Come to a show and just rock with us 
a Million plus with binoculars 

Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be 
Imma be livin that good life 
Imma be livin that good good 
Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be 
Imma be livin that good life 
Imma be livin that good good 
Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be 
Imma be livin that good life 
Imma be livin that good good 
Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be 
Imma be livin that good life 
Imma be livin that good good 
Imma be…. Imma be 
Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be 

[Apl.de.ap] 
Imma be, rockin that Apl.de.ap infinate 
BEP we definite 
We on some next level shit 
Futuristic musically 
Mind will fold with energy 
For the soul new-sonicly 
Sending positivity 
Crossed the globe, and seven seas 
Taker of our family 
Rockin show spectin cheese 
Imma be out with my peas 
Livin life, feelin free 
That’s how it’s supposed to be 
Come join my festivities 
Celebrate like Imma be 

Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be 
Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be 
Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be”

What this really says is ‘fuck you digital leaks’, which Arcade Fire know are controlled by the US Government. Win Butler is famous for his belief that the controlled leaks of ‘hot’ albums are managed by the Pentagon, as they take up so much internet activity that there is no room to search ‘area 51’ or ‘y2k’ or ‘skull and bones’ or ‘aids / crack / black / people’ or ‘Facebook / CIA’ or ‘9/11 / anything’ or… Even I’m bored now.

Panda Bear is going to show them how it’s done leak wise.

(Via: yvynyl: A sweet postcard to The Internet from Arcade Fire.)