Literal Pop

Having a slight knowledge of one man Euro nonsense peddler Scooter, I have to admit I was terrified of listening to this track, but after watching the video I was convinced that you would want to a) listen to it and b) watch the irony-free twat make a complete tit of himself. It’s almost a parody of Europop made by Armando Iannucci or Chris Morris. I’m still not sure they aren’t the puppet masters behind this ass-puppet.

This video was labelled incorrectly ‘Extra High Quality’, in what must be the exact same labelling error that a hundred dead Glasgow smackheads fall for every year when they in fact get anthrax laced horse. 

So, where to start with this one. As I’ve already posited that it might be a cultural uber-prank by messrs Iannucci & Morris I’m going to go easy.

We start in the second chapter because that is way cooler than starting at the beginning. Sometimes Scooter will only read the last page of a book and just say, ‘I told you so’. He knew that it would end like that already because he has written a book himself, but he was quite modest and started writing at the second chapter. Enough!

This could be the most bonkers song ever written. I don’t know if I’m being crazy, but is his just-out-of-reach metaphor that as the saying goes, ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’. But how much will the next one cost? The initial framing line, ‘the chase is better than the catch’ implies this, but who can read the mind of a genius/twat. 

No. I don’t think so you know, you know. I just think he has heard that line somewhere. Maybe he visited Billingsgate market and was passing the haddocks and an old women said, ‘how much is the fish?’, as the stall holder pointed to a handwritten sign that said. ‘two pound a pair.’ As Scooter passed he caught the sentence hanging in the air - like a fish on a line - and, where others might have trotted on oblivious, stopped and penned this ode to fish haggling. 

Then there is the line that does not need to be examined literally because it might be the most literal line ever written. ‘Sunshine in the air!’ You cannot argue with that kind of logic. Lazer guided twattery of the highest kind. I’m assuming he’s German because I’m lazy and it fits my pompous British view of the German’s (except Axel) as continuously coming out of a time machine and it always being 1984, so just resorting to rocking-the-fuck-out with Hasselhoff. It’s just that this uber-wangster’s time machine has plonked him down in 1994 by accident and left him there, eternally.

The central problem of the song is never resolved. Just how much is the titular fish? Two pound a pair if my information is correct. There’s your answer Mr-The-Noughties-Never-Happened. You can stop singing this strange ode to washing a dish and asking how much did the fish cost. IT COST TWO POUND A PAIR, ASS-PUPPET. 

And I didn’t even mention his ‘rhythm attack’. It kind of felt like shooting fish in a barrel.

Transforming the tunes we need your support
if you’ve got the breath back.
It’s the first page of the second chapter!
I want you back for the rhythm-attack coming down on the floor like a maniac.
I want you back for the rhythm-attack. Get down in full effect!
I want you back for the rhythm-attack coming down on the floor like a maniac.
I want you back so clean up the dish.
By the way, how much is the fish?!!
How much is the fish?!!
Here we go, here we go, here we go again!!
Yeeah!!
Sunshine in the air!!

We’re breaking the rules. Ignore the machine.
You won’t ever stop this.
The chase is better than the catch!
I want you back for the rhythm-attack coming down on the floor like a maniac.
I want you back for the rhythm-attack. Get down in full effect!
I want you back for the rhythm-attack coming down on the floor like a maniac.
I want you back so clean up the dish.
By the way, how much is the fish?!!

How much is the fish?!!
Yeeehaah!!
Sunshine in the air!!

C’mon!!!
Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na .. Everybody!!
Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na .. C’mon!! Together!!
Yeeaaah!!!
How much is the fish?!!
How much is the fish?!!
Yeeaaah!!!
C’mon, c’mon!! Aaaah!
Resurrection!